life – iamwhatshewrote

how I would have followed you with quilted roses
to the secret hidden spaces where we lied

under thick blankets of darkness
chilled and frenzied, dreamland of icy fire

how I would have hung your name about the stars
wrapped in willow branches and children’s hymns

swaying sweetly in the sighing breeze of thunder
quiet and crashing, solace in my heart of ire

how I would have found you in the mountains
crouched and creeping daisies in your hair

whispering faerie tales to the dead trees of winter
still and dancing, a tune on lovers’ lyre

how I would have handed you forever
could I just have found the time

slipping past the seconds, and the moments, all the miles
forgotten silken hours, threadbare hanging from the walls of memory

how I could have loved your tameness, had I been not wild and free

I wish I’d had the kind of childhood in which
finding out Santa wasn’t real and that my parents were the tooth fairy
were the biggest lies I ever heard,
& in which happily ever after never turned into
such a disaster
but simply faded into modernity & bland happiness.
I wish I’d never read a love story,
or seen my father through a glass wall with high ceilings
on the inside & the out.
I wish I’d never had cause to wonder if you smile the same at her
as you do at me,
and I wish that I could feel like I’ve ever deserved security.
I wish I’d done something, anything to deserve
the lies you’ve fed me.
I wish I’d never felt like the world’s worst mock-up,
a draft, unfinished,
drowning in the backwash of my own empty cup.
I wish I’d never, ever, ever,
never ever
grown up.

Tag: life

wilderness.

adulthood.